His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
