thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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