i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The struggles of a small town man whore
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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