If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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