his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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