I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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