I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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