i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
