I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
