Where is the hickey?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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