I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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