just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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