I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
