so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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