I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So. Much. Porn.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
