i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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