Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
