batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
