I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
