there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
