I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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