He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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