Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
