im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Girls should come with a carfax report
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
