how can u be prego again
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
