I can text with my tongue
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
