Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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