I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
