You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
