The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
