Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
