I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
