i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Never joke about your clitoris.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
