remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
