Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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