I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
