my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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