never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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