Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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