When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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