Whod you bang
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
