you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
