I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
