Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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