So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
