just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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