Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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