Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
