His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
