The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
